Author William Bridges differentiates between a change and a transition.

“One of the most important differences between a change and a transition is that changes are driven to reach a goal, but transitions start with letting go of what no longer fits or is adequate to the life stage you are in. You need to figure out for yourself what exactly that no-longer-appropriate thing is… Whatever it is, it is internal.”

He continues…

“Although it might be true that you emerge from a time of transition with the clear sense that it’s time for you to end a relationship or leave a job, that simply represents the change that your transition has prepared you to make. The transition itself begins with letting go of something that you have believed or assumed, some way you’ve always been or seen yourself, some outlook on the world or attitude toward others.”

I remember arriving very clearly in a place where I was no longer willing to live with the constant feeling of wanting to feel more purpose and meaning in my life. Wanting more of my life dedicated to meaningfully serving others. And a clear desire to step away from a sort of identity that had been drilled into me since I was very young and hadn’t ever really felt like me.

Since I started Clarity Unlimited, even when my earnings exceeded my expectations, or my impact was expanding there was always this lingering feeling of something not being quite right. Not fitting.

My decision to leave USA, California for Senegal opened up a whole slew of new feelings. Feelings that tend to go hand-in-hand with life changes. Whether you’re moving to another culture, leaving a marriage, birthing a child, ending a job or starting a business the feelings are worth talking about because it helps to be somewhat prepared for them.

When we hear about others going through some kind of change I suppose we expect them to mourn or celebrate, to be afraid or doubtful. But we rarely hear about the growing pains of a transition. The indescribable shifting of something very personal deep inside. The energetic re-calibration that happens. The “Holy crap, I feel different, where is the old me going? Who’s the new me? What the heck is happening?!” feelings.

The stuff that’s so hard to describe.

Somewhere deep inside all of us we know that if we decide to change something significant in our lives, we must be  willing to go through these very uncomfortable (that’s my understatement for the day) growing pains.

I’m intimately familiar with these kinds of feelings – in my own life, and at the core of my work with women and men who want something different. But no one has ever prepared me for this particular part of making a change. I think many people just sort of sense it deep, deep down and feel like they should stay the heck away.

I recall one especially painful 10-minutes of grief before I left. I allowed the feelings, and noticed that afterwards the room was brighter, I felt lighter and stronger, and there was much more ease in and around me. And I remembered, for the millionth time, that this is why I allow myself to feel the waves of transition fully.

These feelings, these waves, move us through our transitions and our changes. They cleanse, wash away what no longer belongs, honor what has come before, and bring to the shore unexpected gifts. If we can let ourselves feel and sit through the indescribable discomfort of internal change, we get big rewards on the other side.

We get to step into a new experience. Rather than cycle back to another micro-managing boss, one-sided relationship, or poor self-image. It’s a little like allowing a seed in the ground to reach the surface of the earth. If you prevent its growth it’ll just stay a seed.

Most of us have the capacity to weather the waves and the uncertainty. Some will. Some won’t. Some will forever wonder “What if…” And some will take a calculated leap to find out. There’s no right or wrong way. It’s a very personal decision.

I prefer to say Yes to the natural evolution of transitions and changes that present themselves within and outside me. They’re a natural part of all of our lives. They’re part of being human. What do you say when you feel yourself wanting to change? Do you open or contract? Manage those feelings away or welcome them?