The intersection of thinking, feeling and fulfillment is an important part of living a meaningful life. But not everyone trusts their feelings.

Let’s start with thinking…

Have you ever been on the receiving end of – or found yourself saying one of the following?

“Stop over-thinking!”

“Wow, you’re stuck in analysis paralysis”

“Ag! Too many details!”

“Just make a decision!”

People who habitually tend to ‘over-think’ often struggle with, devalue, or don’t yet know how to translate or trust, their feelings (see my definition below). They rely on the intellect to make decisions. Which can be effective when it comes to somewhat simple decisions:

• what to wear
• where to go on holiday
• completing taxes
• fixing a derailed project

But more complex decisions – the ones that involve feelings (whether we like it or not) – must include more than just the rational mind if we want a fulfilling end result:

• whether to commit to a relationship
• speaking up in a meeting
• drawing a boundary with a parent (!)
• changing a 20-year career

And by feelings I mean all of the following:

• emotions – happy, sad, mad, grateful etc.
• intuition – whispers of truths
• physical reactions – ‘dark alley’ body reactions — and
• that indescribable connection to something indescribable

Many of us have to re-learn how to trust the pull of our heart, the whisper of our soul. To include our intellect, rather than giving it center-stage.

We can spend decades searching for a lasting experience of peace and meaning. But when we look for this in external places – career, partner,  bank account, or collecting ‘likes’ – and then those things either go away, change to something else, or don’t want to do what we want to do  – the contentment they provided also changes.

Peace and fulfillment come from listening to our intellect and feelings; then trusting them and  bravely acting on their combined guidance. 

This is the stuff that builds confidence, a sense of meaning, self-sufficiency, freedom and peace.

We become internally stabilized, and recognize that the external stuff is nice to have – and our happiness doesn’t depend on it.

So the next time you find yourself in the company of an “over-thinker”, whether it’s you or another person, remember that they’ve probably forgotten to include their feelings and ask: 

“That sounds like a decision you’re struggling with… I’m curious – what are you feeling? What does your gut say?”

Then throw in a little patience.

Add a dash of compassion.

And ask ’em again, because it might take a couple of times.

As Elmo in Sesame Street once said*: “Our feelings are our friends” so we may as well figure out which ones to follow, which ones to hug, and which ones to take with a grain of salt.

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Important end note: *I have no idea if Elmo on Sesame Street said this, but it sounds like something he would say.