Me: “Out of 100% of your efforts, how much do you estimate you’re spending on managing other people’s perception of, or feelings towards, you?”

Client: … long pause… “About 75%.”

That’a s LOT – especially as he has little to no real control over whether another person likes or approves of him.

Important context: this client is in Singapore. And therefore cultural influences and expectations must be taken into account if he’s going to succeed.

That said – 75% is too high. And the more responsibilities you have, the more time you’re wasting.

Yes, being strategic matters, being consistent, delivering a good product, and navigating relationships so that trust is nurtured. All of this is important.

But there’s a line… Maybe only 2 meetings (not the 4 you set up) were really necessary; that conversation or email on the weekend didn’t really accomplish anything; or the 3am mental planning could be much shorter.

We all expend energy and effort in relationships that matter to us. And sometimes there’s a point of diminishing returns. A moment when our actions have left the realm of “strategic” or “kind” or “thoughtful” and have landed us solidly in “fear-driven”.

When you’re around someone who’s trying to be nice,  do you trust them? Do you experience them as nice? Or do you sense some sort of agenda going on in the background?

Become aware of your motivations around others, and ask yourself the following question before taking action:

“How Would the Person I’d Like to Be Do the Things I’m About to Do?”

(credit: Jim Cathcart)

I’m not saying that laying down habits like these is easy. But it’s a much more interesting way to live.

Ride the fear train for a week. See what happens when you stop trying to manage  things and people you can’t manage!

LIfe is short. Experiment.