It has been proven that rather than review the beliefs we have about the world, our lives, our selves we are more likely to accept them as true and look for evidence to reinforce them.

When we feel Judgment it usually means we’re butting up against a belief that has been with us a long time, and doesn’t resonate with our heart/spirit/soul.

For example: Jane wants to be in a rewarding job, something that makes her feel like she’s making a difference and makes her feel joyful. She’s experienced a string of unfulfilling jobs with the wrong type of company and unstimulating work. She keeps finding herself in jobs that bring her down rather than lift her up, and work that she’s good at but doesn’t enjoy. Truthfully though, Jane has never really believed that the kind of job she really wants is actually possible.

The people around Jane complain about their work and this is strangely comforting for her. Her role models growing up did “what they had to do to put food on the table” and she sees this as her path even though something doesn’t feel quite right about it. She feels like the odd one out among her friends and colleagues and that she should be grateful for having a job in the first place – “especially in this economy.”

One day Jane meets Sarah, who is doing work she loves. Jane – rather than being happy for Sarah, or curious about how she got there – finds herself taking an almost instant dislike to Sarah and saying things to herself like: “She must’ve got lucky” or “I don’t have the same talents Sarah has” or “She probably grew up with opportunities that I don’t have” or “She’s got access to people that I’ll never know” or “She’s smarter/prettier/more aggressive/more charismatic etc. etc. than I am”.

Jane judges Sarah.

Why? Because Sarah represents something that Jane wants in her heart, but her mind and conditioning don’t believe is possible. The challenge is that rather than noticing that this is happening, Jane decides to simply stay away from Sarah. There was someone right in front of her who might have been willing and able to give her a different perspective or suggest some steps she could take or help her in some way, but the discomfort of changing what she believed got in the way.

Changing our beliefs can be confronting, yes. But wouldn’t you rather do it now instead of finding out in 10 or 20 years that you did have other choices and you could have had what you wanted?