Do you sometimes find yourself arguing… with you? Perhaps multiple parts of you argue with each other?
Part of me says YES, another part says NO, and another part hasn’t got a clue!
We all have decisions to make, especially around the holidays. Which invitations to accept, who to buy for, how to spend our time, money and energy. It can be totally exhausting!
But it’s something we all do. I remember a client named John describing to me the process of making the decision to hire a new sales person. After multiple interviews, he had reached decision-making time. The conversation with himself went something like this:
“Yes, go for it“,
“No, absolutely not, not qualified enough no matter what the resume says“,
“You’re so hard on people, just give him a chance“,
“Why do you make these decisions so difficult, you can never just land on something“…
John was experiencing a “parts-war“and all the mental fighting was preventing him from getting enough quiet time to actually contemplate the all-around best move.
Do it by the Numbers and End the War!
There are a total of 7 steps. We’ll cover 1-4 in this post.
1. Quick Gut Check
Take a decision or something you want clarity around and start with a quick gut check. What is your intuition telling you? Write down what your intuition says, then put it off to one side.
2. Name the Voices
Name 3 or 4 of the parts that have the most influence (they’re the loudest or taking the most energy or attention) and write them down. You might start with how you’re feeling and then work from there: if you are feeling frustrated- that part definitely has something to say.
3. Pick a Voice
Pick a voice to start with. Let’s say you start with the Frustrated part. Notice how it feels in your body (a lot of energy, increased heart rate, urge to stand or pace); then notice what it says (“make a decision!” “why can’t you just pick one side?” “you know what to do, just do it”).
4. Let it Speak
Just that part. If that part wants to stand and pace, then stand and pace. If it wants to berate you – let it speak those words out loud. Let it express all it has to say.
See Part II for next steps.
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