I was remembering this weekend how uncomfortable I used to feel in situations (jobs, relationships, restaurants, conversations, you name it…). Any occasion that didn’t feel ‘good’ to me, I would find myself in struggle – struggling to get to the ‘relaxed, at ease place’, the place where calm and certainty lay. I had a deep need for certainty.
One of the few times I actually experienced a heady honeymoon phase in a relationship was when I was about 19years old. Maybe once more at 23years old. Since then I’ve veered more towards the slow and steady model – from Ferrari to Miata; my 0-150 mph shifted from 10 to 60 seconds. And with this came a growing interest in traffic signals. I have, over the years, learned to gamble the amber less and pause at the red.
What struck me as interesting is that my discomfort with discomfort has lessened. I learned to embrace relationship bumps, potholes and different colored traffic lights – rather than hoping for a smooth, newly tarmac’d road. I’m honing my love of UNcertainty and, I have to say, life is much richer and more fun.
I started this business during a down economy and it appears that the business I started is helping to lift a number of people impacted. This process of building a business isn’t a fast process and it’s certainly not a smooth road. It’s uncertain from day-to-day, moment-to-moment, and I relish it’s uncertainty. I planted a seed and I know that it will burst through the surface of the earth in time. I had a blast ploughing the soil, pulling out weeds, and putting that seed in the ground. I tend it daily. I imagine good weather, and most mornings and evenings I express gratitude for the yumminess of this experience.
It’s a blessing to offer work that I believe in, and to relish where I get to grow in life – both personally and in business. The media bombards us promises of fake perfection – Remy Martin will improve your social life and sex life; a new bar-b-que grill will make you the perfect husband; Target fulfills the deepest desires of every man, woman and child; buying and having ‘stuff’ means we’ll feel OK; and that thin, leggy, perfectly symmetrical image of women that grace our media? We’re promised it’s possible for absolutely all of us. And once we attain that, we’ll … be … happy!
Fake perfection leads to an easy, smooth, predictable life – and is largely responsible for why so many are depressed with their lives. Our own expectations intertwine with cultural/familial unspoken promises and expectations and somewhere along the line who we are gets lost or slips away.
Life is uncertain.
The media sells us the idea of certainty, and it’s completely unattainable.
What this means is that many people are living for times of certainty, and, in the meantime, suffering through the reality of its opposite. This means that the majority are not only discontent most of the time, but also missing out on what’s truly fulfilling about being alive. There’s a wide-spread sense of “There Must Be More Than This”. Well yes, there is. But it’s on the other side of your willingness to get messy and release control.
Uncertainty can be a lot of fun when there is faith that we’ll be okay. We’re so much more than just our bodies and minds – quantum physics has a really valid point. Everything’s energy and we’re all connected. We disconnect when trying to keep things the same.
I invite you to stop for a moment and contemplate who you really are – deep inside. Is there something you deeply want?
Now with that in mind take a look back on your life and ponder these questions:
- Have things usually worked out in the end?
- Even during extremely challenging times, have you generally found your feet and found support?
- Why would it be different this time?
- What support did you have – or need – in the past to pull you through?
- What can you bring into your life now that would help you take a step towards what you want?
Do this twice a week for 30-days, notice what you uncover, and see what starts to happen in your life.
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