An amoeba is a single-celled protozoa that fills with water and then expels it, fills with water and then expels it, fills with water and then… well, you get it. Essentially – amoeba’s stay the same size.

Have you ever felt like you start to expand in an area of life – for example, gaining two new clients or attracting a new job offer or an attractive kind human asks you on a date? And then, all of a sudden, just when you’re starting to feel happy and accomplished, wham! something contracts and somehow the clients don’t sign the contract, the job offer goes away and your date vanishes.

I call this The Amoeba Theory. It describes the struggle of Expansion – the struggle of expanding to make room for more of what you want – who you are. It’s tough to be living a life that feels like half of what’s possible. Big cause of depression.

We Want things but we maintain our original amoeba size. We live in ‘either’ ‘or’ as opposed to ‘both’ ‘and’.

You want more. You want a job that’s fulfilling and to get paid well. You want to be an impactful leader and have a great relationship. The good news is that if these desires are true for you – rather than distractions designed to rescue you from a life you’re not enjoying so much – then you can have them. All of them. In fact, having them is probably imperative for your peace-of-mind, fulfillment and enjoyment of life.

Well, there are a few options – acknowledging that you’re doing this to yourself on a large or more subtle level is a vital first step. Next is to start creating a picture of what having ‘both’ might look like – and feel like – and sound like.

If you enjoy writing – write it out; if you’re more visual – cut out pictures and create a vision board; if speaking works best for you – find a generous friend and share while they ask you lots of clarifying questions. (please choose someone who’ll support your desires, versus analyse or put them down).

Basically – begin to see and feel in your body what having ‘both’ would be like for you – having love AND money; success AND intimacy; travel AND a beautiful home.

Whatever feelings and thoughts that rise up in you in response to this exercise – including if you want to but avoid doing it – is exactly what needs your attention. That stuff inside you, not outside you (bad boss, “no jobs anywhere”, so many responsibilities, being a parent…) is what’s in the way.

Maybe it’s time to leave your amoeba self behind?